Sry I called you an 8
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
