quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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