I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it's like heaven, but drunker
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
