so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize