I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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