my being single is dangerous.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
