so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
