i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
