i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
