Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Found the puke drawer
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
