i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
