I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
