We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He shit in the fireplace
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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