how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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