Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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