and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
