Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
