If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
