I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Boobs speak an international language.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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