I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
