I smell stomach acid.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
