i can't believe i had my finger in that
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have aggressive nipples.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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