I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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