i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
