dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
