I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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