What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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