Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
