i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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