It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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