I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
