Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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