You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
