I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
