OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
