he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
