rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we're so committed to being not committed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
