I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You pole danced in your parka.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
