everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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