well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Randomize
