I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
