Im at strip club and am horny
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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