She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
