Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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