I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
