One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
