I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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