That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
