Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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