I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
