Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize