How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
