I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
