Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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