News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
