everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
