Porn is love you can see.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
