I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
