Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
