he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
