I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
