did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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