I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
