Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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