Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
