I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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