By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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