its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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